(Written on my old blog June 16, 2015)
Much to my delight my son, Atticus, started wrestling this year, but as the season progressed I was tortured in relation to how to help him. I’m one of less than 80 Division I Head coaches in the country, so I’m qualified to help him in a big way, but I felt I had to be careful in relation to how involved I got with his wrestling as I wanted it to be his wrestling experience, NOT an extension of mine. I was torn on even if he should wrestle considering my success. I asked myself: would he feel he had to live up to an expectation created by my history?
When I went to his practice I would stay off the mats on some days, acting like I wasn’t paying attention, peeking from behind a book to see if he was working hard; other days I would be all in, jumping on the mat and helping him as much as I could, attempting to shorten his learning curve with a lifetime of obsessive involvement in the sport. This back and forth continued throughout the season.
I was incredibly confused on what role wrestling would play in Atticus’ life until Princeton Faculty Member and friend of the wrestling program, David Miller, sent me an article from Forbes on wrestlers in the workplace (click here for article). The article is from 2012 and I have read it several times before, but on this particular read my son came to mind. In short, the article describes how athletes perform better in the work place, with a particular focus on how an individual who has wrestled performs at a level even a bit higher than an athlete from another sport. The author argues that the unique demands of wrestling prepare an individual to excel in the toughest of situations in the workforce. Of course, I agree.
So how does my son fit in? Well, as I read the article I had a random thought that if wrestling were REQUIRED in US schools, that the country, as a whole, would have a stronger mass of people working at a higher level than other countries (Disclaimer: I tend to get grandiose ideas from the simplest of premises and blame it on my undiagnosed ADD). My thought was that we should MAKE everyone wrestle at a young age. Reading, Writing, and Wrestling (we can work in arithmetic later).
I wondered how I could reach the President. I would tell him to bag standardized testing and put in a curriculum of wrestling, as a lot of people would be thrilled replacing standardized testing with anything at this point. This was our IN! We could replace the health course that goes over the pointless BMI index and food pyramid with wrestling. The course would be pretty simple. We weigh the kids in at the beginning of class, have them battle, teach them some lessons about those battles, and then they go through the rest of their day with those lessons in their soul (see disclaimer). The class would be a pretty good blueprint for life: first and foremost take care of your body (weigh in), then work hard (battle), reflect and learn from mistakes (lessons), and adjust to those mistakes. Repeat.
As I gained control of my ADD I realized that while a worthy and noble cause, getting wrestling in every school in the country would probably be impossible, so I narrowed my focus to my son’s community school district. After considering my neighbor’s interests and the amount of children in Montessori preschool, I decided that was unlikely as well. I then narrowed in on Atticus and decided he will wrestle whether he likes it or not. Not because I wrestled. Not to win state and national titles. He will wrestle because it is good for him and can provide a transformative life experience.
Atticus is in first grade and learning to read. He doesn’t like reading all that much and struggles from time to time, but my wife and I make him read every morning and night. He argues every time and sometimes cries, but as I watch him improve and gain confidence I know we are doing the right thing. I’m going to do the same with wrestling and, well, if he hates me I will just point him to David Miller and the Forbes article. Thanks David!
Video created by my daughter, Chloe, of Atticus’ intense training regimen (Ha!)
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Hi Chris!
This was a great read. I missed it on your blog the first time. I think back to when we were at Lehigh and have such fond memories being part of the wrestling team. It was an honor. We had some really spectacular (and dynamic) people in our lives at Lehigh. I hope to see you sometime and catch up someday.
No doubt! Some of my fondest memories as well. It was a great time because we were all touching excellence on a high level, and we were achieving excellence because the “whole was greater than the sum of the parts.” We had some great people during that period! Hope to catch up with you as well!
Thank you Chris! Great article! My son is wrestling next year!
Awesome!!!
Absolutely awesome!!!! Every Wrestler has that child in them, dreaming of being a champion. Nothing could be better for our youths fitness and mental health then wrestling.
Fantastic! We are very proud of our neighbors, their children and their grandchildren.
Great article Chris. You make all of us from Sussex County proud. Miss ya bud. Debating on when I should start my little guy. He just turned 6 and has been going to MMA class for just under a year so he’s getting the takedown portion down. I’m thinking around 8 I’ll get him going.
Brian,
It has been far too long since we got together. I would say start him when you think he is ready. The team Atticus is on is great as the league tries to manipulate it so he has a .500 record. Pretty cool that we try to figure out how to give the kids losses! What other sport does that? Training for life.
From time to time, I see the Forbes article pop up and it makes me smile to know that I was a part of it. Wrestling has done tremendous things for me in my life, and I am thrilled that something I contributed to can have a lasting impact on young men and women stepping onto the mat for the first time.
What if he just doesn’t enjoy wrestling? As a parent/coach, aren’t there alternative ways to develop all of the positive characteristics that wrestling provides? By taking this hard stance that “my child will wrestle no matter what, because I know what’s good for them”, you are infringing on the athletes’ opportunity to develop an intrinsic desire to learn and participate in the sport. It is this kind of mindset that allows dads and coaches to disguise their ego driven initiatives while furthering the deterioration of youth wrestlings’ culture.
The article was a bit “tongue and cheek” (watch the video at end and I think you’ll get it) and I wasn’t being serious about making him wrestle. Just used his situation as a fun vehicle to provide perspective on the positive characteristics that wrestling provides. I will say that we did push him a little to join and I would have never allowed him to quit during the season or miss practice, but if he didn’t want to do it the following season that would be fine. He would do something in its place though. Some kids need to be pushed and that intrinsic motivation needs to be developed over time through exposure. I can tell you he’s going to be doing something other than staring at an iPad or computer and he is the type of kid that if we allowed it, that is what he would do. Fortunately, he liked his first year of wrestling and loved his second.
To your second question of “aren’t there alternative ways to develop all of the positive characteristics that wrestling provides?” In the world of athletics…NO, there are not! At least not in the way that wrestling accomplishes it.
About parental ego…I get it..I’m a coach! Intentions are key.
I will say there is not a deterioration of youth wrestling, at least not in the Princeton youth program. It is all about using wrestling to teach lessons. Kids are paired at matches so in the most of ideal situations the kids have a .500 record. YES! Can you believe it? We want them to lose, because lessons can be taught. Fortunately, a extra bonus in this situation is that the dad’s ego’s are forced to get used to losing. Maybe it’s more for them.
Thanks for the comment!
Best,
Coach Ayres
What if he just doesn’t enjoy wrestling; erosion of childs concentration is accomplished thru excessive work…nutrition has to a part of this. Perhaps, its the metaphysics ur referring too…(kid), just doesn’t like it. Then join in with your child when he’s working on strength training or endurance training. Participating with another person is enjoyable playtime…especially when proven models are used and the child notices his own growth. Children forced to play alone have a harder time then people whom play together…that is with like goals. Perhaps, the parent can model for the child how to dance thru movements as a soloist. (where the child will have established expectations on how to practice alone, versus by inference.)
I coach a hs and ms team and on my hs team, a soon to graduate girl from my team, as a sophomore beginning this sport became hooked. She just finished her senior yr, winning her weight at sections and advancing to CA girls state. She attributed her success in school to wrestling. She started to take all AP classes, and will graduate with a 4.0 and move onto college with a few scholarships to her name. She’ll work her undergrad with a focus to progress to med school to become a doctor. This sport gave her these notions of pushing herself to lofty goals, she will now achieve. I’m beyond proud. As a soon, 1st time Father, my child, girl or boy, will wrestle.